New Zealand football stereotypes

Posted By admin on Jun 27, 2013 | 1 comment

Guest Blog – by Corey Rosser.

They exist in our offices, supermarkets and almost anywhere else that involves large groups of people.

From ‘dumb blondes’ to ‘white boys who can’t jump’ stereotypes are present in abundance, whether you like them or not.

Football is not exempt from this rule, stereotypical characters live in its ranks from the professional level right down to social teams.

You will likely recognise a few of the following personalities and truth be told they are an important part of balancing out the egos in the dressing room.

The Angry Englishman: Every football team I have ever played in, from social Sunday teams to Northern League outfits has had one of these. Typically thinks he is better than everyone else simply because of the what’s on his passport, rather Ironic considering the hideous embarrassment that has been English football in recent years. This player usually gently bullies his way to some form of respect within the team.

The Old Guy Who Used to be Great: Highlight the words ‘used to be.’ Indeed back in the 80’s this guy was a star of your club, the photos on the club room walls prove that. But these days he is a yard or seven off the pace and sadly has to resort to dirty tackles in order to make his impact on the game. Should probably have retired a few years ago but still loves the game. His own performance on the field doesn’t warrant too much praise anymore, but he will happily give you a long and detailed description about what needs to improve in yours.

The Skinny Rookie: The young kid who has come up from the lower grades to join the first team squad. His mum picks him up from training, he’s only allowed one beer after the game and the only thing lower than his self-esteem is his body mass index. No matter what he does on the field ‘junior’ will be prone to plenty of light-hearted jokes at his expense, usually from the angry Englishman mentioned earlier.

The Weirdo: Not too much of an explanation needed here. Every team has a guy that does and says weird things more often than the rest. Whether he embraces it or not he is a constant source of entertainment. Be prepared to laugh nervously at his jokes which you don’t understand and avoid sitting next to him in the dressing room, as he will no doubt parade around naked for much longer than he actually needs to.

The Diva: This particular player usually has a fairly large ego, regardless of his on-field ability and won’t be seen anywhere near the field without the very latest labels covering him. Pink boots, Nike wrist bands and compression skins, which hang low enough from his shorts so everyone can see the logo, are just some of this players favourite items. If he vanishes during a halftime rant from the coach don’t worry, he is probably just checking his hair in his compact mirror.

Corey Rosser is a freelance sports writer and editor of New Zealand League Magazine.

You can read more from him at

1 Comment

  1. don’t bother with guests if this is the standard – predictable, radio sportesque

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